Ah, communication. It’s something we all need to be better at.

(he said, as he dangled a participle)

Grammar aside, finding ways to make sure we effectively communicate concerns and keep the people with whom we’re working or interacting up to speed on everything is really paramount.

It’s true in relationships, as the best and most long-lasting relationships tend to be the ones that have a foundation of strong communication, so small things are dealt with quickly and never become the big things that tear it all apart.

It’s true at work, as expectations can be properly set and people can be secure in where they stand on the team and know what they need to do.

And since this is a music blog, obviously I’m going to relate it to bands. In my experience, the worst band experiences have been the ones where communication isn’t solid or it’s especially hard. Not everyone likes facing uncomfortable truths. Through my staggering lack of self-worth and my endless self-analysis about my every flaw, I’ve become quite the expert at finding trouble spots. As I’ve covered before on this blog, (probably over 10 years ago), I kind of end up being “The Asshole” in bands because I (lovingly) call people on their shit – whether it be their level of knowledge of the material or their level of interest in getting it right. I’m much nicer about it now than I once was, because I’ve grown up enough to know that some people just don’t want to hear it, they’re too fragile to take it, or it’s too demotivating for them to be criticized in any way. I am always happiest in a situation where people can freely call each other out and not get all butthurt about it. It’s best when they know that it always comes from a place of love and not some expression of dominion or power or some sort of passive-aggressive insult designed to hurt. That’s never my motivation.

I’m starting to drift from the point, though – sometimes communication is easy, and people get where you’re coming from right away, without reassurances or any need to qualify what you say. That’s certainly ideal. More often, figuring out how people can receive a message is one of the best things you can do to effectively communicate in a band setting. Getting to know your bandmates and how they will positively and negatively respond to different methods of delivering opinions will ensure that communication will be effective and engender progress, rather than drama.

I hate drama.

There’s nothing that makes me want to run away from a band situation more than someone who has drama or likes to create it. Any time that’s even seemed to be an issue, I’ve expressed that I think it’s bullshit, or, if it isn’t worth the discussion, I just quit the band. No sense wasting my time trying to talk to people who don’t want to listen.

And that’s okay – sometimes when communications break down, it’s just time to accept that and cut your losses and bail. If it’s worth it, though, you will find a way to make it work and improve those lines of communication.

And that’s the same with relationships – sometimes you will never be back on the same page, and in those situations, you end it. If you are both turning toward each other, even when things are broken, communicating your needs and feelings about things will eventually help you work them out and you won’t have to end the relationship.

I’m a “radical honesty” kind of person, and I never make people pay for just being honest. I might not be pleased by what they have to say, and I’ll communicate that, but there are no consequences for just expressing their perspective. I find it useful to be this way. Relationships are more real. Bonds are more tight. People know where they stand. It’s occasionally painful but worth it. Maybe you could try it, too? Make sure that you pick the right person for it – some people can’t stand that sort of blunt, real communication.

The bottom line: You have to want to find the best way to deliver your message to its intended recipient. That takes an understanding of how they process information, how their personality/ego affects what they hear, and the level of honesty they can bear. Work on all that, and you should become excellent at communicating your thoughts and feelings and improving your life, work, and band situations.

Thanks for reading my incoherent ramblings, though the bar for coherence is set pretty low this week thanks to Bruce Castor.

Stay safe. Wear a mask. Stay away from people (either 6 feet or just at home). Video chat with family and friends (i.e. CAWL YA MUTHA!!). Black Lives Matter. The case is clear – he is guilty and Trump needs to be convicted and barred from ever holding federal office again.

Peace be the journey!
TMS