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Life Changes Through Life Changes

Life Changes Through Life Changes

So in my last post I talked about being divorced. I know that a lot of great art comes from pain, and I think that some of my best songs arrived via the “pain train”, but there’s also a lot of utter shit that comes from drawing inspiration in something so emotional. I can think back on at least a few songs that were overly sentimental or really heavy-handed dealing with tough emotions. I consider that a problem I have – wielding the pain as more of a sledgehammer rather than a gentle brush. I think the time and perspective that comes from being out of the bad part of the situation (while things are still falling apart) can really work toward expressing something interesting if you’re brave enough to revisit it after the fact with a little perspective.

Of course, I’m nowhere near that phase yet – this is all pretty new and raw. I’m just exploring the concept of making adult friends who might turn into more special friends. Putting myself out there and actually dating for the first time in my life, really…because every relationship I’ve had has been one of convenience – we were in close proximity, we liked each other, things happened…boom – relationship. I’m trying to break this pattern and figure out who the heck I am, because honestly, I have no idea. Removed from being “Heather’s husband”, I’m not really sure who I am. I know that my physical changes (lost 20 lbs, grew about 20 lbs of hair) have garnered a higher level of female attention than I expected, but I’m honestly still in mourning of my life as I lived it for thirteen-plus years.

It’s been a running theme on this blog about me never actually getting my solo acoustic act off the ground, and one thing that has come from the therapy and other things I’ve been through the past few years is the discovery/acceptance that I have serious self-worth issues, mostly because I don’t ever give myself the credit I deserve. Not as a person, producer, performer, musician, or songwriter. Not even as a father sometimes (that one’s improved a lot, even with my departure from the home…I know I’m a good dad, and I do my best to be there for them as much as I can under the circumstances.) I think perhaps the reason the acoustic thing has never happened isn’t just laziness, it’s also a subconscious self-hate campaign my psyche has been playing on me for years – that I shouldn’t book it because why would I subject people to my singing and playing? What makes me think I can entertain people with just my voice and guitar.

Well, I’ve finally accepted that it’s a shitty way to live, bowing down to some imaginary judgment that hasn’t even happened. The fact is, when I’m emotionally clear and healthy, I know I’m a better singer/guitarist/entertainer than most people who do the solo acoustic thing out there. Sadly, I’m just not usually emotionally clear or healthy. As that improves, so will my confidence. But so far that hasn’t really happened, so I’ve decided it’s time to fake it until I make it.

The first faux-confidence display will happen this coming Wednesday, February 12th, when I join my friends Paul and Greg for a gig with our little ragtag trio, “Audio Time Machine” (ATM). I think it’s going to be a really fun show, and I know that I have a bunch of people who have said they are coming to hang out, which is awesome. Friendly audiences are always confidence-boosters. And right now, my sad little brain needs all the help it can get.

But back to the songwriting. It’s weird – it’s been so long since I really wrote a SONG that I’ve almost forgotten how to do it. I’ve been collecting a lot of riffs and musical ideas over the past few years, but nothing seems to every really coalesce into something complete. It’s scatterbrained and seems relatively indicative of how I’ve lived my musical life for the past few years – just taking things as they come with no set plan or organization. This sort of informality can be good to reduce stress levels, but all it does is render everything you do as sort of half-assed. I think that’s why no clear SONGS have come together. And I’m sure that’s part of the reason that in my performing musician life there haven’t been any Roman Holiday gigs since last June. Audio Time Machine is very informal so that takes basically no effort, but we go for long stretches without playing shows. And my sad little brain needs to be playing shows. It’s a really important part of my happiness as a human walking the planet.

So it’s time for me to organize this part of my life a little bit and really make it happen. Get my new solo website together (brianvsings.com) instead of just having it point here (which it does for now). Get my songlist together and start really tightening up my performances of the songs – make them full of feeling, personal, relatable, and very memorable for the audiences. Maybe have some stones and see if I can launch my little act by performing for my day job co-workers in our facility’s live music lounge for happy hour or something. There’s a bunch of built-in fans who like to get drunk after work! (Heck, they like to get drunk AT work sometimes…)

So hold me to it, people. If you see that I haven’t made major moves on this stuff in the next few months, give me crap about it. I deserve it!

Thanks for reading and peace be the journey!
TMS

So I’ve been absent for a long time, and there’s a decent reason…

So I’ve been absent for a long time, and there’s a decent reason…

I got divorced.

Yup. Your faithful servant is now The SINGLE Musical Schizo. No worries, though, it’s very amicable and the ex and I get along splendidly. One of the things that this might actually open up is that I’ll have a little bit more time to focus on musical pursuits, but so far I haven’t really done that. In fact, I haven’t played a show since October. It’s driving me CRAZY! The good news is that I have a show on February 12th (Stompin’ Grounds Grill on Anderson Mill Rd in Austin), so that little drought will come to an end.

Speaking of droughts, I haven’t written a song in a terribly long time. The emotions of what I’ve been through the past couple of years are way too intense to try and turn into art just yet, but I’m hoping with a little perspective and distance that it will give me some good material.

One thing that is interesting to me is the concept of being a gigging performer that isn’t married. I’ve never experienced that. I’m wondering what sort of extracurricular fun that will bring. I’m not one of those musicians who started playing to impress girls – in fact, I’ve never understood that, because I’ve always done music for music – but there’s a distinct possibility that girls, or better yet, women, will be impressed with my musical performance. I already look more the part of “the guy in the band” now that I’ve grown out my hair (It’s almost as long as it’s ever been, actually), so that might bring some fodder for future blog posts, too.

I’m going to be a better, more consistent blogger this year, and really turn this into a place for good commentary and perspective on music from a part-time professional musician.

Thanks for everything, and peace be the journey!
TMS

A couple of gigs on the horizon…and a new “Bathroom Schizo” song on the way

A couple of gigs on the horizon…and a new “Bathroom Schizo” song on the way

I have two shows in Austin coming up – one with a new, sort of ragtag power trio with the guitarist from Capital Suspects that has our maiden voyage on June 19th at Stompin’ Grounds up north, and the other filling in with Capital Suspects at Baby A’s Stonelake on Saturday June 22nd. I’m excited to get out and play.

Also, I’ll be singing a song suggested by a good friend of mine as my next solo acoustic video. Not exactly sure if it’ll be shot in the friendly confines of the Spongebob bathroom, but it should be pretty good. It’s actually a good song for my voice, and I’ve always loved the message in it. That should be done within the next few days…

So that’s that in the Land Of The Musical Schizo. I hope everything’s looking good in your neck of the woods…
TMS

Footnote: I never posted this because I wasn’t around, but here is the link to the video for the aforementioned song:

TRIUMPH!

TRIUMPH!

And I’m not talking about the band, no matter how awesome they are. Saturday night’s gig with Roman Holiday was a triumph. It was a fun show, everything worked (well, once we swapped out the power amp on the mains), we all played well, and the trainwrecks were minimal, which is amazing considering we literally played together ONCE since our October gig. Playing with Ned and Lee is like breathing. I love those guys. I sang well (for the most part – Don’t Stop Believin’ and Sweet Child O’ Mine were a little “raga” at times), I played bass REALLY well, and we were a machine. Plus we had awesome people come out and see us, and amazingly, one of the people had been friends at different times in different cities with two of the others and somehow managed to see each of them for the first time in decades. It was a freaky reunion! But I’m so happy that it happened on such a great night.

I’ve placed an ad on Craigslist to try and finally get an original band off the ground. I decided I want to go for something like Fountains Of Wayne – power pop with a sort of modern edge. I’ve had three good responses. One guy has stepped back after hearing my music and saying we’re not a fit, which is fine. Still waiting to hear back from the other two. If for whatever reason I don’t manage to meet anyone to get the band going, I’ll figure out a different strategy and maybe book a few shows and hire some mercenaries.

I still need to get my solo acoustic thing off the ground…just have to finalize a song list, record some new demos more indicative of my current skill level, and start hounding venues for shows. It will happen this time, though. I need to establish as many revenue streams as possible because I need to make more money, and I don’t imagine seeing any sort of bump in salary for my day job. I might actually start trying to teach guitar or bass because that’s another way to make money with music. So if you have anyone who wants to learn the basics of guitar or bass, or even basic music theory as it relates to composition, send them my way.

Thanks to my Roman Holiday bandmates and our friends for helping make Saturday a triumphant return. If you’d like to see more from us, come see us in South Austin (FOR THE FIRST TIME PUBLICLY) at Third Base on March 15th. Hopefully there’s more to come in that department, and with MY music, and as a solo artist. We shall see.

It’s all happening!
TMS

Filling in this week!

Filling in this week!

First tonight (Monday 28th) filling in with Heavy Blue at a private party. We’ll see what happens with that. Then, this Saturday at Bar Louie on 6th Street, super excited to fill in with Capital Suspects (the band I recently quit for personal reasons). Looking forward to both.

Roman Holiday has a gig on February 16th at Hardtails in Georgetown. I’m very excited about that one, too, although I have to admit, right now I’m looking forward to rehearsals for that one more because I miss my bandmates.

No news on the artistic front – no new songs or anything (though I feel like some are coming – that’s a good feeling). I’m just happy to get out and play some shows. Come rock out with me!

TMS