I’m turning 48 this Thursday.

I feel EVERY SINGLE second, minute, hour, day, month, and year of this age. Often, I actually feel older.

The majority of the reason for this is purely my fault. I don’t take care of my physical health. It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire adult life, because I really don’t get the same “kick” from exercise that most people do. It doesn’t make me happy to work hard physically – it just makes me want to lay down. Even in my most “exercisey” periods of my life (shut up – I’m going to use “exercisey” if I want to – I know it’s not really a word), I got smaller and more fit, but it never really made me feel any better than sitting on the couch (and before you suggest it, I REALLY don’t like people trying to motivate me, so having a trainer isn’t likely to help me over that hump to the “I LOVE TO EXERCISE” feeling that so many get). So I’ve just gotten fat and old. Of course, I hide it fairly well, since I’m of above-average height and my limbs are slim and athletic, but I’m a solid 65 pounds overweight based on my height. Even factoring in the fact that my family tends to run a little heavier than most people anyway (we measure a good 10-15% heavier than people who look exactly our same size – and it’s true of my dad and all my brothers, too), I’m still a solid 45-50 pounds overweight. The stress this is putting on my body is really becoming apparent. I hurt. Often…OUCH.

So that’s a long paragraph about my fatness. Why is that popping up here on this blog? Well…because I just spent the last 90 minutes singing and playing guitar standing on the comfortable carpet in my office, and my back and legs are killing me. I’m actually considering sitting down to play Saturday’s acoustic gig – which is something I just DON’T DO. And of course, I won’t sit at the show unless I must (I had an unfortunate gig back in 2015 or so that necessitated a “lean on a stool” performance because of a tweaked back, and that’s the only sit-down gig I’ve done since the “Brian V.” era started). So…OUCH.

Worse, my voice started shitting out on me about 20 songs in – you could hear it getting tired and raspy. Not good. Also…OUCH.

And I was having trouble matching pitches I played on my guitar while doing the “sing the guitar melodies you’re playing” thing I like to do to help keep my voice and hands in sync. With my voice, I was physically doing what would normally feel “right” for those notes, and I was just missing them. Sometimes a complete half-step off. It was very disconcerting. It’s been kind of an ongoing thing for me, though. So that’s more of a brain or spirit “OUCH”, but still…OUCH.

Well, I’ve got a physical on the 29th where I’ll address all this stuff with my doctor and maybe get another referral to an ENT who has specific skills related to those of us who depend on our voices for a living (my day job depends heavily on my voice being healthy, too).

Not trying to be a bummer or crap on myself or anything, just musing honestly about my health and how it relates to my music. I’m going to get better. I think. Because honestly, I don’t know how much more I can take of always being so wrecked when I play music. There will come a time when it won’t be worth it. But wouldn’t it be better to just lose some weight and give my joints a break? Then we can stop dealing with the OUCH.

Peace be the journey and take care of yourselves better than I take care of myself.

And please come hang out with me Friday the 17th with Chandler and The Bings at Speakeasy in Austin OR Saturday the 18th at 360 UNO up in Westlake for my solo gig.

TMS